Man, this city knows how to party. Another night full of a thousand fireworks. Mitch and I started yelling our prayers to each other across the flat whenever we heard the ones that sound like gunfire. Y’know, the ones that are so loud your windows shake.
Today consisted of trying to write characters that can explain the plot. By this I mean, my Walton’s family (those demons). I have also decided upon the ‘language of demons’. English is not their first language, which is why they do not use contractions, e.g. don’t, I’m, haven’t. I will give you brownie points if you can guess what their mother language is.
When you come to the part of your novel where your characters explain to each other what is going on; which is called ‘exposition’ in our household; it’s a good idea to write the important parts out beforehand. Bullet points.
I would not advise you wade in knee deep, unless you really want to. Like I said, I only ‘advise’ it. This is just my method.
Bullet pointing the information you need to tell the reader beforehand helps you to A) structure all the techno-babble and information into a coherent chunk and B) stops you (usually) from going on an unnecessary tangent. Tangents are messy and irritating. Not all of the time though. Sometimes tangents are rather fun, but they often make me want to beat my face against a wall.
Rambling before and after you get to that important part of the conversation, however, is immense fun and can help build suspense.
EXTRACT #1 (dedicated to ninablues)
Foreword: This chapter is told from Li-ling’s point of view. She refers to Mercury as ‘the handsome one’ before she learns his name.
Garridon licked his lips and glanced at the handsome one. “We are here to see you,” he said. Li-ling drew her feet together and stood tall.
“You are?”
“Yes, are you Miss Redgrave?”
Li-ling cringed. She supposed there was no way of hiding her identity, then; no way to pretend she was someone different, for once. “I am,” she sighed. “What do you want; to kill me?”
They laughed.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing,” she said, “I’d kill you first in the blink of an eye.” She whipped out her knife, the warm blade in her hand, flicked it into the air so it somersaulted over her head and landed with the hilt in her palm. At the same moment, Li-ling withdrew a fire-talisman from her pocket. She held it up with two fingers for them to see the ancient symbol on the card.
“Easy now,” purred the handsome one and Li-ling stared at him.
“We most certainly do not wish to kill you,” said Garridon. The conviction in his voice made Li-ling lower her arms.
EXTRACT #2
“Why do you want to help humans?” she managed.
Mercury tipped his head back. “Think of it like the RSPCA, but the Royal Society for the Protection and Care of Humans, instead.”
“Oh gee,” Li-ling sneered, swinging her arms, “I feel so valued.”
“You should,” said Garridon, “no one else will help you.”
Beginning to feel testy and aggravated by their grave purpose, Li-ling decided she didn’t want to make friends with demons anymore. They were trouble, especially for her, it seemed. A harsh wind sent a tumble of leaves through the woods and dishevelled her hair. For the briefest of moments, Li-ling thought see saw Coventina hovering behind Frederick and her ears filled with a strange, ancestral echo of sounds.
“Ai…” sighed Frederick with a dopey smile. “Laurië lantar lassi súrinen.”
Garridon chuckled and replied, “Yéni ve lintë yuldar avánier.”
Li-ling had never heard a language like it. Their mouths seemed to fill with vowels and roll from their tongue in an enchanting, fantastic way. The world was spinning. Could she hear chimes? Those echoes! They were terrifying – EVERYWHERE.
“STOP IT!” she screamed and stumbling over her own feet, she sprinted away.
EXTRACT #3
Branz Schiller, first son of the famous Lord Schiller, stood grinning before her. He had a manic face, yellow eyes, sharp teeth and her knife in his hand. “How lucky for me,” he hissed.
Her right arm felt like it was broken and her right knee bruised. She began to quake, choking on suppressed tears, panic, breath and blood. With a reptilian screech, Branz dived through the air, ready to plunge the knife into the side of her head.
She screamed as hard as she could.
A wicked screech pierced the air, followed by a thudding crunch. Branz flew to the left as someone pummelled into him. They hit the ground with a bouncing roll. Too shocked to move, Li-ling watched fascinated as the demons scratched and bit at each other.
It was Frederick. He received three long scratches across his chest and in a spray of blood; Frederick swiped his claws over Branz’s face. Branz kicked Frederick off and he shot through the air to crash into a tree. Leaves sailed from the branches. At once on his feet however, Frederick tugged off his coat and shirt, his face so terrifying that Li-ling wondered why she had ever thought he was pitiful.
Black wings split from his back. The feathers were dripping with blood.
A sickening gasp left Branz, almost like he was choking. His eyes were fixed on Frederick’s wings.
“Heca ulundo!” rasped Frederick.
“Rhachon le!” Branz spat back.
“No dhínen! Heca ulundo!” Frederick’s wings flicked and a spray of blood hit Branz in the face.
Paralysed for only a minute longer, Branz bolted away without looking back.
Panting, Frederick glanced at Li-ling…then crumpling to the ground. His wings vanished, a few feathers drifting in the air, and blood pooled across his back.
Willow H. Wood 
Go-go-gadget NERD!
Their mother tongue is Chocobo
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Nerd?! Where? In my NaNo? HA
Man, I wish there was a Chocobo language.
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Yay, I got a dediction! And MOAR MERCURY! “The handsome one”, ay? Interesting. Also, I’ve just got to love Frederick. He’s such a butt-monkey but he still saves the kick-ass Miss Redgrave’s life. They have big black feathery wings? That makes the demons even more awesome. Officially.
I’m sensing that Branz may be a recurring antagonist. Just, YOU KNOW, a little suspicion.
The third extract was probably the bestest, with poor Frederick being awesomely scary one moment and then collapsing so that Li-ling could be like, “FRED!! D:” Well-worn, but always such a fun trope.
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Well, I was thinking about what you said yesterday, ‘I bet Miss Redgrave is going to kick-ass!’ because originally, she really wasn’t. But, as you can tell in Extract #1, Li-ling does kick a little bit of butt.
Yeah, Mercury is the only handsome one. Frederick isn’t that special in the looks department, I’m afraid.
The Timeless Brethren, and only the TB, do indeed have wings. Not that they like to use them. It kinda gives them away and makes them bleed a lot. Ripping open your back never made sense to me.
Yuss, I shortened the second and third extract by a lot. I wanted to include much more (mostly of extract #3) but felt I’ve been defeating the whole ‘extract’ thing with my hefty inserts of writing XD
I shall probably start uploading chapters to LJ soon, however.
Also, I love you, you adorable nut.
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Adorable nut is a passable description of me, I suppose!
Perhaps I should have a go at this “shortening” thing of which you speak. Both extracts I’ve posted have been about 900 words long. FAIL. I’m just such a tool when it comes to choosing bits. A lot of my drama and action tends to happen with lashings of description. XD Bah!
And it was very good to see Li-ling kicking some butt as I suspected she would. The cool knife trick was totally YAY. I have a knife-throwing character on my RaTs called Isaac and he is one of my favourites from that particular storyline. 8D
I don’t mind if Freddie isn’t anything special in the face. He’s GOT IT. XD Love him. Mercury has a bit of a sexy vibe and Garridon has an evil overlord vibe and Freddie has an I LOVE FREDDIE vibe. If you know what I mean and I think you do. 😉
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You know it.
Psch, that’s not a bad thing, and I don’t think your extracts have been too long. I don’t actually know if there’s a rule about what the min-max length of an extract should be. I’ll ask Mitch this very second.
*turns in her spinny-chair and prods Mitch who is playing Birth by Sleep on Willow’s PSP*
Mitch says: there’s no rule of what does and what doesn’t constitute as an extract. It can be as long as you want.
Wooo! Party for you and me, girl.
Prowse, right? I looooves him ❤ And knife tricks (though I shudder to watch them) are super awesome. I'm hoping to play more with that at a later date.
Man, I do not understand your Freddy love, but I am touched none-the-less. XD Mercury has the sex-BOMB drive. That's what I mean when I say I wanted to include more of extract #3.
Mercury. I'm just sayin. He don't mess about.
Nuu~ Garridon is not evil! I swears! He is more like the father figure lol
The 'I LOVE FREDDIE' vibe sounds like a t-shirt slogan. This makes me cackle.
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I know that Garridon is a protagonist, I just mean he has the same image in my head as Gru from “Despicable Me”. XD Sometimes I think it’s better just to let my weirdnesses run free and wild. I lover his overlordly ways and leadership skillings. Tough love. Respect.
YES my extracts can remain long and ungainly! I just worry that most people wouldn’t be arsed to read it, haha.
You’re not feeling the Freddie love? Whaa? Perhaps it’s because more of your extracts have focused on Fred than any of the other demons, but I just think he’s all kinds of epicness! And Extract 3 eventually features Mercury getting his sexy on? Whoa there.
Yes, it is Isaac Prowse indeed. What a feller. Also, I’ll be posting up another thing on RaTs tomorrow sometime. Probably. Just so you know. XD And I’m now thinking about another extract of my NaNo. I might put up Robyn and Victor arguing tomorrow. Just for lols.
How’s NaNo going for you? Wordcount? 😀
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You and your parallels. Darlin, you actually floor me. To compare Garridon to Gru blows my mind. I feel quite privelleged in fact. Gru is all kinds of wonderful. Respect indeed. *beats chest and makes peace sign*
Saaaame. ‘Who wants to read all of THIS?’ But I want to read your stuffz, I do, I do!
Aww, I’m uber glad you like him so much. My extracts focus on him though because Freddy IS the main character XD Li-ling is the second main character. I feel Li-ling is more exciting though, which is why I whine about Freddy-boy so much.
THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME 😀 I shall check-aye that out. Like woosh. I’ll be there. *swoops cloak* And yay more NaNo extract! Ah, the love/hate shipping scene. Gimmie, baby.
NaNo is going much better now that Li-ling is hanging around with the gang. My word count is at 10k *score* I see you’re steaming ahead at 27k! Mate, you’re at the week-three trudge already! hahaha~ I’m glad you’re not struggling with it though 🙂
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My novel’s plot is pretty long so I think I’m going to have to steam on if I want to finish it during November. Who knows what will happen if I get to the 30th and haven’t finished? :O All kinds of disasters, I expect.
Garridon gives me a Gru vibe, which in many ways is a compliment although it’s a bit of a weird one.
Ah, I see, that would explain why Freddie is so prevalent. I think he’s an awesome main character, and Li-ling is quite cool too. So well done on your mains! Although I do undestand preferring non-main characters sometimes. A lot of the time my favourites are not the mains at all. But I definitely love Freddie. ❤
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Bah, I can tell you now, your motivation plummets. It also plummets when you reach 50,000. You’ve met the target, which makes it a little harder to keep pushing yourself on. I’m sure you’ll finish it if you enjoy the story enough, but you don’t keep at it with the same discipline as you do during Novemeber.
LoL Well, so long as you the reader like Freddy, I know I’m doing something right. That’s always the way with stories though, sub-characters become priceless to a fandom XD Off to read your livejournal now! There had better be more extracts! ;D
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