Dragon Age: Inquisition – Worst Wedding Ever

First thing’s first: Dragon Age: Inquisition never happened. The entire plot that should have happened? All in their DLC Trespasser, and I will do a post about that another time. So anyway:


Screenshot from FluffyNinjaLlama’s video

In DLC Trespasser, the Inquisitor gets to marry Cullen Rutherford (or Sera) if he’s been a successful romance option in the “main game.” Not only is it boring and over in literally 30 seconds, but the secrecy was pointless and the whole set-up the worst wedding ever.

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A quick guide to the basics of writing erotica

Picture by Rob Spierre

“We are dealing with sex. We’re going to be embarrassed and everything will have a double meaning. We’re not even going to try and rise above it.” — Sara Bailey

Sex is both blushing difficult to write and wonderfully simple. There is a larger market for erotica fiction than you might think, too, so it might be something to consider when food on the table is lacking! I’m joking. Kind of.

I’m going to share with you what my professor, Sara Bailey, has shared with us in our beginning lessons about how to approach writing erotica.

First off, why is it called ‘erotica’ and not ‘porn’? What’s the difference? To put it simply:
Erotica teases, it is not immediately sexy.
Pornography is in your face, masturbation material.

Simple enough, right? Erotica is glimpses of skin, lingerie, thoughts of what might happen: tension, tension, tension before any boobs appear or penetration happens.

Sex should be simple but it rarely is, it’s linked with our emotions whether you’re male or female, and different people think of sex differently again regardless of being male or female. The thing to cling to as you write erotica is: is it turning you on? If not then you’re writing it wrong. Yes, you need to be able to make yourself excited and blush like a beetroot as you write down the character’s secret thoughts and motivations. Funnily enough, it’s like writing a story but an extra inimate one with a stimulating purpose.

Things to remember when writing sex or foreplay:

— It is NOT a medical guide.
Use emotive, descriptive, sensational language that heats up your skin and senses. Don’t describe each movement or body part. This isn’t a guide to sex, it’s about being sexy.

— It IS about intimacy; senses, surroundings.

— You DO need a good story; good characters.
Two bodies walking into a room isn’t erotica, that’s porn. We’re writing a story that the reader can invest in. They must crave for the characters to touch each other.

— Keep it simple.
Insert tab A into slot B (or C, depending on your preference). As soon as Fiona starts putting her leg over John’s shoulder and her other leg around his waist, then thrusting her sideways it becomes confusing and, quite often, improbable. If you want to write positions other than missionary be sure that it’s feasible.

— Research
Sex is simple but if you’ve never slept with someone and you’re unsure how anatomy works, what can be used as lube, what a vagina looks like, how gay people have sex: look it up. The internet and even the library will tell you a lot. Don’t assume you know how sex works from reading amateur erotica (like fanfiction) or watching films – this includes watching porn. Porn is not real and most porn stars have had days to prepare for the more adventurous ‘acts’ they perform.

— Don’t be afraid to write what you know.
Or find out what you don’t.

— Humour IS allowed.
Because sex is funny and it’s never as smooth as Hollywood would have us believe.

— Remember sometimes the sexiest scenes are when nothing apparently sexual happens.

— Your characters don’t just want sex.
Sex is great an’ all, but there are other things in life.

— Relationships ARE important.

— Your fear is your best friend.
Trust your instincts. Approaching erotica is hard and I still blush when I write it. I agonise for at least five-ten minutes before I can bring myself to write the word ‘cock’ (and cock is a great word). Don’t be afraid to write kinky words. Urgency and being afraid of sexual urgency is partly what makes sex exciting.

— Finally, if it turns you on you’re doing something right.
Yeah, you can turn yourself on. Don’t be ashamed. Heat is the aim of the game.

First, write down all the words used in sexual fiction that you have problems with. This can be words you hate or words you feel uncomfortable using, e.g. pussy, dick, pound. Now put those words aside.

Next, think of words that please you and write those down. Why do they please you? What is your reaction? Physical? Emotional? Spiritual? Good words might be heat, touch, urgency, wet, flush, throb.

Now write a scene using the words you hate and love. Make especially sure to use the words you hate and be descriptive when the ‘moment of truth’ happens.

When you’re satisfied with this scene (keep it to a page if you can) your next challenge is to write an ‘almost scene’ between two people. Build up the tension but don’t give into desire.

Now, because I’m brave, I’ll share with you what I wrote for class. Enjoy and happy writing!

Give Into Me
Li-Ling closed the gap Friedrich had created and tilted her head to the side. “When do you have to leave?” she asked. The cotton sheets beneath her hand were begging her to lie down on top of them.

He kept his face plain; his Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed. “When everything is sorted,” he whispered.

“What if that takes a long time?” she whispered back, leaning closer to him as if conspiring. His eyes darted to her lips and warmth travelled over Li-Ling’s shoulders and through her breasts.

“I don’t know.” His voice was disappearing. There was nothing else Li-Ling could think the say. There was nothing else she wanted to say. The intimate touch of another person was what she craved and had done for a long time now. Unable to stand the indecisive space between them, Li-Ling made her choice and tipped her chin up. Her lips brushed against his.

Friedrich seemed uneasy, his eyes peering down at her as if this were painful. She moulded her lips around his bottom one, applying a soft and calming pressure. He responded with the same gentleness and a wonderful sensation poured through her limbs, releasing the tension in the back of her mind.

His hand slid around her waist and heat throbbed between her legs. Li-Ling’s concentration hazed as she imagined each throb as a thrust of Friedrich’s cock. His hand swept up her neck and through her hair, and Li-Ling longed for his hand to sweep down over her breasts. She could tell Friedrich was still unsure despite his heaving chest. Li-Ling supposed it would be sweet if she didn’t desire to see him urgent. She wanted him to take her, hard, and leave nothing untouched.

She pressed her hand to his leg and slid it up until her palm found his hardening dick. A gruff hum filled his throat and her cheeks burned as Friedrich took her knee and pulled Li-Ling onto his lap. If only she hadn’t changed out of her dress. Through her clothes Li-Ling felt his straining cock. A smile came over her as his lust betrayed him.

They rocked together, the friction pulsing through both of them. Her knickers grew wet and nothing else mattered. Li-Ling could hardly believe she would be satisfied at last and with someone forbidden. After knowing his touch she knew she would crave Friedrich again.

“Can I have you?” he said against her neck.

A moan accompanied her eager reply. Pleasure tingled through her thighs as Friedrich undid her trousers and Li-Ling tried to muster the courage to do the same to him without trembling too much. The unexplored body of a man with experience both intimidated and excited her. She had hoped to continue in his lap, to thrust him on the edge of the bed, but Li-Ling found herself made breathless to let Friedrich take control.

He tried to prolong the undressing, kissing down her thighs, but Li-Ling couldn’t stand waiting. Before he could inch off her top she made them tumble onto the bed, half-dressed and Friedrich didn’t complain. With a devious smile he brushed the tip of his cock over Li-Ling’s clit and she shuddered, sighing. When he finally entered her, swelling with pleasure, Li-Ling closed her eyes and knew she had found not only satisfaction but a man who warmed her heart.

#NaNoWriMo Day 17, Dwarves deserve love too, y’know, and the stabbing finally happened

That awful moment when your writing programme freezes and you know you’re about to loose a whole paragraph of beautiful words:

*le sigh* The trials of life. Well, I’ve personally found this week to be an up hill (mountain) struggle. I had such a mental break down at one point that I was actually convinced my bedroom was an illusion. Crying to laughing, crying to laughing, to inane giggling. But I’m OK now. Despite my ‘professor’ changing the specifications of this months essay (again) he’s at least made up his fucking mind. There are fixed deadlines, there is an outline and I can plan and prepare.

Elijah Gill and myself attempted to bash out some of our scripts in the library this week. After I’d been staring at the end of scene six for ten minutes, Elijah leant over and typed in a new scene heading for me. I’d like to share it with you:

As you can see it’s all very productive over here.

So aside from barraging you with moving pictures (GIFs) and screen captions, what am I bringing to the metaphorical table? For the most part: dwarves. They are a seriously underrated fantasy race. What actually bothers me, though, is how role-playing games tend treat dwarves as undesirable lovers. My main example shall be Dragon Age II. Now, Dragon Age is an epic fantasy role-playing game that leaves me little to complain about. The companions (people in your party) are without doubt the main attraction, especially as far as romantic allure is involved. But why, oh why, are you never able to woo the dwarves? In Dragon Age II I think the one character (aside from Anders) who really holds great appeal for me is the dwarf, Varric. He is the one companion you cannot have a relationship with. Not even a fling. It’s the same with Oghren in Dragon Age: Origins. Is it because they’re dwarves and it’s seen as unlikely they’ll have sex-appeal to some people? It certainly doesn’t seem like a plot problem to hook-up with either of these characters. I know Varric is a free range chicken, it’s cool. He can move on and we go our separate ways at the end of the story. So why can’t we have an interesting relationship for the nine years he chooses to stay by my side?

But why am I talking about dwarves and their sex-appeal to begin with? At the start of the week I posed a question on my twitter: ‘What kind of city would you expect Southsunder to be?’ Mick Deak replied with, “Dwarven!” In the spirit of things, I agreed. Now my city is occupied by short people who are blatantly dwarves. My main character has a liking for the inn helper and she is head-over-heels for him. It’s very cute. I’m trying to get them alone in the same room for more than ten seconds but it’s proving difficult (almost wrote ‘probing’ – cripes). These people are short, stocky, broad and beerful and just as gorgeous as elves. I don’t understand why they are shunned so much. Look at Varric. Seriously, you couldn’t be more charismatic than this man:

As far as NaNoWriMo goes, it’s not too bad. I’ve been making notes in a tiny note book each morning to help spur me along, but I’m afraid there is now a scene involving stabbing and human blood. I felt defeated for a day. I’d done so well not to include anything nasty this year, but it couldn’t be avoided. I felt I was doing the reader a disservice if I tried to write around the truth. Saying this, it’s not a gory scene and it’s not written to make the reader squirm. Cringe, yes. Worry, definitely. Feel ambivalent, of course. Want to run away in terror, no. It’ll need improving but I think I’ve done alright.

Last but not least, my mood board is finally printed and arranged on my wall – hooray! The picture of the girl with red paint/wings/blood/an explosion of emotion coming out of her back inspired the ENTIRE story. Click [here] to see the artist’s page.

EXTRACT (Screen printing was the only way to avoid the text being tiny again. I don’t understand it. Oh well)

It’s like Rule 34 of the internet, but replace ‘pr0n’ with ‘fan-fiction’

Rule 34: if it exists, there’s porn of it; or so says the laws of 4Chan and, for the most part, it is bizarrely true. It can be in any format – pictures, artwork, literature etc. but I’ll talk more about this in a minute.

image by enchantedtiki

Hello. I can be a massive fanfreak, and when I discover a book, game, film, comic etc. etc. that inspires me I must always find pictures. I adore seeing fan-art and have been a visual learner all my life. When I see art, especially of people, I tend to study it for many minutes. Appreciate it, absorb it, and think of stories behind it. This has been especially true for the various fandoms I never truly participated in. As a teenager, I had a folder of over 1,000 images from the comic W.I.T.C.H. (which I first read in Greek, weirdly enough) and these pictures pleased me because of the story I knew they represented.

Yesterday I was browsing good ol’ deviantArt for Dragon Age: II. I found many hilarious parodies and mini-comics, gorgeous portraits and romantic scenes; but one thing I did not expect to find was Dragon Age fan-fiction. It made be think, “I’ve found fan-fiction for nearly every fandom I’ve image-searched. It’s like rule 34.”

Anders, image by kyuubifred

At first I was terrified to open the link. What would I suffer reading? As DA is a roleplaying game did that mean the main character would be someone’s cringey OC Mary-Sue? Would it be written by teenagers wishing they were burdened heroes in need of a partner like Fenris or Isabella? I was troubled by how personal these fics could be, because I really don’t want to know the writer’s deepest sexual and emotional desires. The simple answer is of course: don’t read them, but I was curious…

What I discovered was surprisingly fulfilling. It wasn’t a diary entry of someone’s innermost fantasies about the DA companions, it was…well, it was a story. It may have helped that it was written from the perspective of Anders, one of the companions rather than the main character, and the story content itself wasn’t anything new – it was simply a written version of the game. Having read the Dragon Age novels by David Gaider, I already know I love to immerse myself in a written experience of the world. I get to spend more time with the companions.

Garret Hawke, image by Tutchangers

Using the preset characters (Maria or Garret Hawke) to write fan-fiction or compose fan-art also helps to put distance between the content and the creator. I stop thinking, “who is this original character among people I’m familiar with,” and enjoy the piece for what it is. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with writing personal fan-fiction; placing yourself in the world. That’s one of the liberties of a roleplaying, create-your-own-character game. Heck, I create outrageous fan-fic stories in my own head, but that’s where I like to keep them. It was a nice surprise to learn that DA fan-fiction is accessible to all fans and not just the creator.

Anyway, here is the short story that led me into the world of Dragon Age fan-fiction: [Heeding] by SurelyForth. Do not read if you have not reached ACT II as it has SPOILERS.